meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Just cropdusted the office
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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