brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
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