3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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