More tranny stories later!
We're like a lot better than the average bears
time to smoke my breakfast
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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