Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
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We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
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Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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