So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
