His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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