I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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