Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
