Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
