I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
