He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
