And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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