she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
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after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
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Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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