yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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