that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
