puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
