1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
