Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
