hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
