Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
