1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
false alarm, still single
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize