Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
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If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
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