Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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