i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.