My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.