Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(541): View more from Oregon

So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward

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(541): So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward http://tfl.nu/dpap

Replies (361) Good night (60732) Bad night (7684)
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(949): View more from California

I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.

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(949): I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people. http://tfl.nu/vbtd

Replies (13) Good night (7020) Bad night (1063)
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(720): View more from Colorado

I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis

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(720): I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis http://tfl.nu/ymdq

Replies (22) Good night (5778) Bad night (964)
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(773): View more from Illinois

You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.

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(773): You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930. http://tfl.nu/kxnv

Replies (14) Good night (3151) Bad night (972)
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(604): View more from British Columbia

We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE

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(604): We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE http://tfl.nu/3jc2

Replies (4) Good night (1924) Bad night (1754)
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(651): View more from Minnesota

You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?

(1-651): View more from Minnesota

yeah you don't forget that shit easily

(651): View more from Minnesota

We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.

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(651): You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"? (1-651): yeah you don't forget that shit easily (651): We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email. http://tfl.nu/xfpa

Replies (11) Good night (4789) Bad night (760)
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(402): View more from Nebraska

What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?

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(402): What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something? http://tfl.nu/b3em

Replies (16) Good night (2442) Bad night (759)
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(317): View more from Indiana

Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.

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(317): Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina. http://tfl.nu/djvg

Replies (7) Good night (2787) Bad night (744)
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(402): View more from Nebraska

You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people

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(402): You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people http://tfl.nu/4rzl

Replies (8) Good night (1921) Bad night (695)
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(919): View more from North Carolina

Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.

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(919): Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today. http://tfl.nu/hnp2

Replies (12) Good night (6575) Bad night (849)
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(907): View more from Alaska

ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING

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(907): ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING http://tfl.nu/zq26

Replies (7) Good night (1175) Bad night (382)
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(573): View more from Missouri

It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.

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(573): It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children. http://tfl.nu/cjdr

Replies (2) Good night (879) Bad night (439)
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(616): View more from Michigan

If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.

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(616): If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine. http://tfl.nu/wf47

Replies (2) Good night (495) Bad night (406)
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(440): View more from Ohio

im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.

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(440): im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good. http://tfl.nu/7xj8

Replies (2) Good night (911) Bad night (322)
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(612): View more from Minnesota

You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.

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(612): You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in. http://tfl.nu/2cq6

Replies (3) Good night (630) Bad night (154)

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