You can't motorboat a personality
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me