dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
