Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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