this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
