Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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