i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
