accomplished twins. life is a go
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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