dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
