im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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