before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
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there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
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your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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