just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
