Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
