my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
