are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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