i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
