I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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