What did we do last night that was yellow?
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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