Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
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