Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
