now i know why i became what i already was.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
