Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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