MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
