worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
you mean i was at the winter classic?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
