two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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