Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
