I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
