I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
