Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
