if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
