If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Come share oat with me in your robe
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
