I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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