My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
