so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Text me some of your sweat
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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