Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
