Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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