all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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