do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
