My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
