I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Randomize
